Foodenator

All Natural, No Preservatives, just straight up ‘Smog-Scrubbing’ super-antioxident N-Acetyl Cysteine (NAC). This drink by the company ‘function’ has been designed to support healthy lungs (really?) and assist with Hangovers. Is this all just a lie? Foodenator finds out…

This drink contains ingredients to support your liver’s efforts in combating hangovers. We tasted these ingredients, did they work? We’re not sure, no tester had a hang over which makes for a difficult judgment.

How did the drink fare at scrubbing the lungs of smog? Hard to tell. We’re still breathing the same, some of us better than others. This is for certain, no one lost breathing abilities during the test.

How did it taste? Mix between orange crush, orange vitamin water, tang, sunny delight, with a slight, oh so slight hint of adrenaline energy drink

**** 4 (out of 10)

Wendy’s salad bar this is not. You might think a salad bar at a grocery store might have some fresh vegetable selections, since you buy fresh vegetables at a grocery store to eat. It crossed my mind. Grocery store ’shaws’ finds a way to put out the oldest most gnarly unfresh vegetables on display in their salad bar. The lettuce was mush, the tomatoes were mush, the carrots (!!!) were mush, the cucumbers were mush, the peppers were mush, the snap peas were mush, and the other vegies just looked unpleasant/inedible.

On the brighter side. The salad bar offered a wide selection of mystery meats so well chopped you couldn’t tell the difference between ham, chicken, and tuna by looking at them. Chicken ended up on the salad, which took a while to come to the conclusion it was actually chicken because it had the texture of tuna and some of the smell. The best thing on the salad bar was the peperoni slices. Peperoni slices doused in regular non-non-fat ranch with the essence of salad, yum

** 2 (out of 10)

The human body consists anywhere for 55%-80% water.  Water is used for cooking, cleaning, swimming, drinking and has many other every day uses….but really, what is it?  It’s a tasteless, clear, and odorless liquid.  So what makes water, water? Scientist say water is two hydrogen atoms combined with one oxygen atom but really, what does that mean?  Is that like one part margarita mix, two parts tequilla?  Well readers, I don’t really know.

Lately there’s been a lot of hype over blood oranges.  Foodenator decided to find out why.  As you can see the blood orange looks just like any other orange from the outside, it’s similar in size and it’s orange, the differences are shown from the inside.  Look closely, the blood orange has a red, heart-like shape in the middle of each piece.  Blood oranges also have no seeds (possible cousins with the neutered apple?  Who knows.) 

The blood orange also smells much different then your average orange.  When the orange is opened it smells like a cross between an orange and a grape fruit, however, the taste is much sweeter.  The blood orange does not have have same “bite” as a typical citrus tasting orange, its much more smooth.  Overall the blood orange is a very enjoyable fruit.  Would probably go well in medium shade of beer – Foodenator recommends Blue Moon. 

********* 10 (out of 10)

98% fat free in this case also implies that this soup is 98% tasteless. Food experts find that only 2% of this soup contains clam chowder while the other 98% consists of watered down cream-like substance. At first one might guess that the clams possibly sunk to the bottom of the cup but after further research experts only find more cream-like substance. This soup could be comparable to heating up a glass of milk, tossing in chunks of bread to be absorbed and heavily salting. Don’t buy this soup unless you enjoy extremely boring flavors.

Today an excellent lunch was nearly ruined by this obnoxious and foul beverage. Our seasoned diet soda drinker, JR Wyndham-Sweetwater, said that this particular soda failed even to have the correct aspartame taste, and no lime taste was detected at all. “While it may boast new graphics, the taste of this diet soft drink is very rank, or as they say in Gay Paris, ranque.” Don’t be fooled. Thank the gods you read Foodenator.

When reviewing food for as discerning an audience as Foodenator’s, it is very important to correctly identify and correlate the actual food with the review being written. As a Foodenator critic, I would not want to write a review for Cousin Franco’s new lunch bistro while eating a sandwich purchased at SubGiant. It wouldn’t be fair to Cousin Franco or to Aunt Bottomtooth. In this case, I can’t even tell you what kind of apple this is. Gala? McIntosh? Hard to tell. So I am not going to review this apple. Instead I am going to draw all of you Foodenators into a vicious debate on the merits of neutering fruit.

This apple was carefully and deliciously dissected by underpaid Foodenator lab techs. No seeds were found. We looked on the outside, like you would find on a strawberry. No dice. No seeds either. We dove deeper, below the skin if you will. By the time we reached the core, morale has high. Surely we would spot seeds or seedsign. Our lead food engineer postulated the existence of “dark anti-seeds” that could indicate the location of the elusive seeds. But even analysis by gas chromatograph and magnifying glass could not locate any sexual organs whatsoever on this fruit. Obviously this fruit had been neutered at some point. The investigation continues… stay tuned.

Apple: ******** 8 (out of 10)
Neutered Fruit: * 1 (out of 10)

Recently, the nation’s hottest lounges having been serving a panty-dropping nectar of the stars: [Elixir] MTN Dew Gin Splash Oj. ‘legit’ you may say, and we agree. served stirred and not shaken (nor shook), slighty carbonated drops of adventure splashing in citrus make for a good-time, so the experts. get popular at your next good time with some [Elixir] MTN Dew Gin Splash Oj.

(Review Brought to you By Pineappleope.com)

When you think of ‘cheating with chocolate’ usually, 9 times out of 10, only one thing comes to mind. Pineappleope.com has had a chance to review an up and coming diet people snack food, “Sensible Portion’s Cheating with Chocolate, S’mores with milk chocolaty drizzle.” At only 100 calories, this snack food has little chance to fill you up. Despite the low cal-count(R), this food still packs a weighty net weight of .84oz.

What Sensible Portions has done here is disguised a regular nickle sized rice cake, with low quality chocolate ‘drizzle’. If you are not a fan of rice cake, there is no chance you will enjoy these ‘Drizzled mini crisps.’ I found myself neither enjoying or un-enjoying myself during my experience with this snack food. The fake marshmallow flavoring in the s’mores variety was pretty awful and definitely justified the “artificially flavored” label on the packaging. My mouth tastes like a combination of stale wheat and plastic and black coffee.

Click below for the rest of the review, and final results
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Bertucci’s (often pronounced Ber-Tuck-ies) is found all over. For the ill informed, Bertucci’s is an italian restaurant’s that offers italian food at low prices. At lunch time they have deals on food for even lower prices, on top of that you get free bread and salad …unless the wait staff blows. We didn’t get salad. Iced tea is not lemonade, she brought the wrong drink but the iced tea was fine i guess. Rigatoni Abruzzi, the best thing on the menu, was tasty… skip the rest of the menu.

*****1/2 5.5 (out of 10)

Service ** 2 (out of 10)